Motherhood is difficult, I felt lost as a new mom. I was 21 when I had my son, just out of college and completely unprepared for such a huge responsibility. All my friends were either still in college or were talking about their new jobs. And meanwhile, I was stuck focusing on changing diapers and nursing every two hours. And even though everyone told me how great it would be once he started sleeping through the night, I couldn’t but feel resentful towards him
It made me feel like a terrible person. I felt like the worst person in the world. I had chosen to be a mom, and there I was hating my life. Feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, and completely lost.
My husband was worried about how I was feeling and thought I may be suffering from postpartum depression so he convinced me to talk to a therapist. And while my therapist reassured me I was not suffering from postpartum depression, our conversations helped me feel so much better. Because here’s what she made me realize.
All of these feelings are completely normal.
Motherhood is difficult
Mommy guilt, the terrible twos, middle of the night feedings… Don’t feel guilty about experiencing these things. It’s okay to be frustrated or resentful towards your little one when they are crying for no apparent reason at all and you’ve already tried everything you could possibly think of. Just remember that it will pass with time, which can seem agonizingly slow when you’re in the thick of it.
Motherhood often comes with loss of freedom
You’ve lost the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. You can’t go out and party with your friends whenever you please anymore. You have a tiny human depending on you for basic needs, and this is a responsibility that can be scary at first.
Motherhood means laborious work
It’s not as glamorous as some people make it sound like on TV. It often comes with bouts of stress and exhaustion that you have never experienced before in your life. But these challenges will only make you stronger if you allow them to. Forgive yourself for feeling overwhelmed at times because all of these things are perfectly normal when becoming a mom for the first time
All Children are difficult at some point
It’s just a phase they’re going through, try not to take it personally. They don’t know any better yet! They are learning about themselves and their capabilities just as much as you are learning about them. And their brains aren’t developed enough to really understand what they are doing.
But while that’s all true, it doesn’t make it any easier for moms who are dealing with a toddler tantrum, a defiant teenager, or an angry child yelling “I hate you.
Motherhhood means loss of identity
A lot of moms say they feel a strange sense of unfulfillment – something they never expected to occur after becoming moms. After all, becoming a mother was what they had always dreamed of. And the reason for this is that when you become a mom, you have to give up so many parts of your former life.
You’re no longer just a student, a sibling, a friend or an employee. You’re now a mother and this is your priority. While it may be hard to adjust to this new role at first, the best thing you can do is give yourself time and patience.
Happiness after motherhood
It may not seem like it right now, but motherhood will bring so much joy into your life in due time. And in the meantime, it’s important to figure out how to find happiness in the little things in life.
Self care
Self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Self-care doesn’t need to be extravagant, but it does need to be intentional. You don’t have to spend money or hours on self-care, but you do need to put some thought into what that means for you.
There are many benefits of practicing self-care. Some include having more energy, feeling less stressed, and lowering your risk of depression. But remember that self-care is different for each person because everyone has different needs. For example, if I practice self-care by going to the gym every day, this might make me feel healthier, but not if I don’t actually enjoy going to the gym.
For me personally, self-care involves sitting and reading a trashy romance novel. The kind of story that you know will never happen in real life, but it makes you happy anyway. I read for half an hour every single day. On certain days that means I lock myself in my room while my husband takes care of the kids. Other days my house is a mess. But I’m happy, which means I’m a much better mom.
Journaling
Journaling is one of the best ways to get in touch with your thoughts and emotions, while also releasing some stress.
Being honest about how you’re feeling can be hard because it means you have to acknowledge that you’re upset – something many of us are naturally afraid to do. Plus it takes time and emotional energy, which is why many people end up letting this go too long without getting help. But journaling allows someone to focus on caring for themselves in a productive way so they don’t let things build up inside anymore or become overwhelmed by life’s problems.
Journaling will also help bring out the creative side in you. And help you figure out what things make you happy, and what you really need from life to make yourself happy. And this is something that often drastically changes after you have kids. So you may find that you need to figure out who you are all over again.
Do you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself with motherhood? Complete our 30-day challenge to help you rediscover yourself after motherhood!
Exercising
Exercising is a wonderful way to stay fit, relieve stress, and feel healthier. We all have those days when we just can’t find the energy or time to work out, but it’s important not to let those days defeat us. Start by finding some kind of exercise that you love – whether it’s running, dancing, or weightlifting – and then see how your energy levels change.
Every small improvement in your lifestyle adds up over time. Maybe you can only manage short spurts of exercising at first before feeling worn out, but eventually, try upping the length of gyms sessions until you’re able to get through an hour without feeling like stopping midway for a nap! Eventually getting more than sleep should become routine because once the benefits become.
Gratitude
Gratitude is something that most people don’t practice because it can seem so temporary. Have you ever noticed how people are always focused on what they need, not on the things they have?
But this doesn’t have to be that way. The simple act of giving thanks for all the good in your life strengthens your connection to others and makes us appreciate our everyday moments. Most importantly gratitude makes us happier – more optimistic, satisfied with our situation, understanding, healthy, and appreciative of what we do have. Gratitude also helps us grow as human beings by providing a positive outlook no matter what’s going on in our lives (and it shows through research!).
If you feel like there is never any good happening in your life, and you’re feeling overwhelmed with how difficult things are, think of 3 things you are grateful for every night before you sleep. It won’t take you longer than 2 minutes.
You can complete our 30-day gratitude challenge here
Hang our with friends
For me, socializing with friends and family makes me feel better about myself. I used to feel jealous of people who had a lot of friends they could hang out with or people who lived in a more social environment where people would always be at the house chatting. It was hard for me to make friends as an adult because my life is pretty full of work and caring for my kids. But once I started making an effort I realized how easy it is to make friends
Sometimes, this meant going out to the park and striking up a conversation with other moms. Just so that I could interact with someone other than my kids. Interestingly enough my entire social circle is now filled with moms that I either met at the park or moms who they introduced me to.
The app Peanut is also another way you can make new friends!
Conclusion
Yes, motherhood can be difficult but here are some encouraging words: Motherhood comes with more rewards than responsibilities. Remember that motherhood isn’t easy but it’s also truly incredible
These overwhelming feelings of love towards your baby are something magical… And while some days might be harder than others, remember that every day will become easier as they get older. Because while there is nothing quite like the love of a newborn, the first time your child sweetly tells you they love you, or that they missed you, your heart will swell up in a way you never thought possible.
