Most people believe that charisma and likeability are natural and that there is nothing we can do about it. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
There are so many little things that you can do on a daily basis to become more popular, and charismatic in different settings.
The reality is that social psychology has some fascinating studies on how we can tweak our everyday behaviors to appear more charismatic. These are the secrets that popular individuals already use regularly. Some of them may even use it without realizing it.
Some of these findings are things you can begin doing RIGHT NOW to either help you make more friends, attract a partner, or even simply network better.
The reciprocity of liking or attraction
Did you know that If you want someone to like you, all you have to do is let them know that you think highly of them? Psychologists call this the reciprocity of liking or attraction.”
Research has found that if someone genuinely likes you, that makes your brain want to automatically like them back in return. The only catch is that the person has to genuinely believe that you like them. If you give them a fake compliment, this psychology hack probably isn’t going to work
So if you want someone to like you let them know that you really enjoy your conversations together. That you always find their advice so helpful. Or that you love spending time with them. Just make sure that your compliment is genuine.
The pratfall effect
Research tells us that people will actually like you more after you make a mistake. But, only if they already believe you are competent.
This is called the pratfall effect. When people find out that you aren’t perfect, that makes you more relatable, and likable.
In 1 research study, male students rated women who spilled their coffee, higher on likeability than those who didn’t. But only after they had already been given the impression that all the women in the room were university students who had just done well on a test.
So don’t worry about it the next time you mess up. You probably just came across as more attractive and relatable than before.
The Chameloen effect
When talking to someone, subtly mimic their behavior by copying their body language, gestures & facial expressions.
When people mimic the behavior of someone they are talking to, mirror neurons in the brain fire. Mirror neurons are associated with feelings of empath, trust & closeness.
When we are deeply engaged in a conversation with someone, we naturally mimic their behavior without even realizing it. We can create such a connection ourselves, by purposely imitating their body language.
The trick is to do it slowly and subtly. You can do the following steps to do it effectively.
- Start by really listening to what the person is saying.
- Then tilt your head slightly, and nod.
- Match your vocal tone and pace with theirs
- Subtly copy their body language. for example If they lean back, or rest their arm on the table you should do the same!
Start by practicing this with a friend or family member at home. That way you’ll be a pro at it by the time you really need to use this trick.
Spontaneous Trait Transference
This psychological effect makes people associate you with the same traits you use to describe other people.
So if you describe someone ask intelligent and wise, other people are more likely to describe you the exact same way.
A study published in the Journal of personality and social psychology found that spontaneous trait transference occurs even when the trait doesn’t actually describe you.
Remember, this can work the other way as well. If you gossip about someone else, the person you are talking to will probably begin to associate you with the exact same traits!
This is the easiest way to make friends, and attract people of the opposite sex.
In one University of Wyoming study, about 100 grads looked at pictures of other women in both closed body positions and open body positions. The photo was most if the person was smiling, regardless of their body position.
Researchers at Stanford University also found that students who communicated with each other using an Avatar developed better relationships when the avatar was smiling.
A 3rd study found that if you’re smiling when you first meet someone, it will help ensure that they remember you later.
A joint research paper from Ohio University and the University of Hawaii has found that people unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them.
As a result, we are heavily influenced by the emotions and moods of the people around us.
That’s why if you appear positive and happy, that will make the people you are around, also feel positive and happy.
This will make them like you more because they will begin to associate that emotion with being around you.
Stereotype content model
Princeton psychologists have proposed the theory that individuals judge each other based on how warm and competent they appear.
When you appear warm, friendly, and caring, people are more likely to think that they can trust you.
When you appear competent, which can be demonstrated through your education, career, people are more likely to respect you.
Mere exposure effect
Psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh had women pretend to be students in a psychology class, and attend class a different number of times.
Male students who later looked at pictures of the women showed a greater liking towards the women who they had seen more.
None of these students had ever interacted with each other. Simply seeing the women made the men prefer them more.
You can use this for networking, relationships, or to make friends.
The more the same people will see you, the more likely they are to feel connected with you!
It’s entirely possible to become better at connecting with people in every situation. Once you know these tips, the only other thing you need to do is begin practicing.
Practicing can be difficult initially. That’s why we recommend doing a 30 day face your fear challenge to help you get started!