When it comes to our relationships, most of us have moments when we feel down. We might start thinking negatively about our partner, wondering if things are going to work out in the long run. This is a natural reaction, but it’s important to keep these thoughts in check. If you let them take over, they can quickly spiral out of control and cause real damage to your relationship.
So why do we let negative thoughts like this take over? There are a number of reasons: stress, insecurity, past experiences, and more. But whatever the reason may be, it’s important to find ways to deal with them so they don’t hurt your relationship.
Below I will share with you tips on why you keep thinking negatively about your relationship and how to overcome that.
Why do I keep thinking negatively about my relationship
Comparing this experience to past bad experience
Do you find that you are comparing this present relationship to one of the past?
If you had a failed relationship, or you are still holding some grudges then this is very likely to cause negative thoughts about your current relationship
My previous boyfriend manipulated me into getting physically involved with him. For a long time, I thought all guys were like that and I refused to give anyone a chance.
Even when I came across a good guy, that past bad experience had traumatized me.
I kept bringing the limiting beliefs and hurt from the past and thinking negatively about the guy I was currently dating.
Therefore if you are continuously having negative thoughts it is important to be able to differentiate your past from the current one.
Are your own insecurities holding you back?
Are you insecure? Do you only imagine the worst-case scenario and shut yourself down from any good opportunities coming your way?
I always imagined that I was going to end up alone and unloved. My negative thoughts built up this fear of being single and not loved and make me close off my relationships.
This could be the case with you, for instance, if you saw your parents continuously arguing or fighting as a child. Or if you come from a broken family all this could be causing insecurities.
Past insecurities are likely to cause negative thoughts and sabotage your relationship.
Are you not happy?
Is there a lack of happiness in your life? This can be causing stress and make you feel down. Often we don’t know how to deal with the emotions going on inside us and tend to project them onto our relationships.
We get so stressed about our work, family life, financial situation that all the negative emotions come out on our partners.
Do you feel overwhelmed, irritated and angry?
When I got stressed at work, my feelings would come out in the wrong place. My relationship with my partner was a victim of that stress. I didn’t know how to deal with this anger and irritability. They came out on him instead of the people who caused me to feel bad in the first place.
Comparing my relationship to that of others
Are you constantly comparing yourself with others, then top now. Have you started to feel jealous of what everyone else has?
My friend was always posting pictures with her boyfriend, their cute dates and they seemed so happy together. I found it hard to deal with the feelings of envy towards her.
I felt insecure about our relationship and wondered if I was pretty enough or smart enough for him. I felt insecure about my looks and my body.
These kinds of negative thoughts are likely to be stemming from jealousy you might have towards other people’s relationships.
Understanding the triggers and causes of these thoughts is important as it will help you to deal with them. They will slowly begin to fade away as you start being more aware of what’s going on inside your mind.
How to change the negative thinking
Understand the root behind your insecurities
If insecurity is behind your negative thinking then it is important you recognize where that came from and the reason why you feel this way.
Often we don’t understand why we think or feel a certain way and we need help to get there.
There are lots of psychotherapists and counselors out there who can help you address these deeper issues.
Understanding your insecurities could help you recognize what is wrong and you could work on getting rid of those negative thoughts.
Communicate with your partner
If your insecurities are coming out in the form of negative thoughts about your partner, it is important you communicate with them.
We need to communicate these feelings because silence will only make matters worse.
Negative thinking might cause misunderstandings because we don’t express how we feel which could lead to resentment and even breakups.
Therefore when you notice yourself thinking negatively about your relationship, discuss it openly with your partner and let him know how you feel.
Be mindful of your thoughts
The best way to deal with negative thinking is to simply be mindful of them.
When I started writing down my thoughts and feelings, I was able to understand how irrational they were and detach myself from negative situations.
By understanding that these thoughts are in my mind and not real, I was able to deal with them in a better way.
The next time you feel like your partner is getting on your nerves, don’t stress about it. Recognize that this is just what your brain does when it gets stressed out or overwhelmed.
Having awareness of our thoughts is the first step towards dealing with them.
By being mindful of your thoughts you can address these issues and be your best self.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Every relationship is unique, which means there’s no reason why yours should be like anyone else’s. If you find yourself wondering if things would be better with someone else, stop immediately! It will only lead to trouble down the line and cause you and your partner a lot of pain.
Recall your first date and what you like about each other
When you’re having negative thoughts remember why you got together in the first place. It’s easy to lose sight of your partner’s best qualities when there are problems going on. However, if you take a step back and look at them from a separate perspective, they might seem more attractive than ever before.
Remember that all relationships go through their ups and downs
It’s important to remember that no relationship is perfect. All relationships go through problems, whether large or small. It can be tough when you’re in the middle of something negative but if you take a step back and realize it’s not always like this; you’ll feel much better about your relationship overall.
Take time out for self-care
If you’re feeling really down about your relationship and having negative thoughts, take some time for yourself.
Practicing self-care is important for our mental being.
When you focus too much on your relationship, it can get overwhelming. Taking a step back and thinking about other things is actually beneficial to the relationship because it will give you a chance to recharge.
Final thoughts on why do I keep thinking negatively About my relationship
It is natural for us to have negative thoughts about our relationships from time to time. However, if these thoughts are persistent and overwhelming, they might be indicative of a deeper problem. If insecurity or self-doubt are the root causes of your negative thinking, then it is important to seek professional help in order to address them.
In addition, communicating with your partner is essential in order to avoid any misunderstandings that could potentially damage the relationship. Finally, by being mindful of our thoughts we can work on addressing and eventually getting rid of them altogether. It is also important not to compare yourself to others and remember that all relationships go through their ups and downs. Taking some time out for self-care can do wonders in restoring balance within ourselves which will undoubtedly affect our relationships positively.